Our friend, Katie McClain is a master life coach, author of 2 books and faculty member at The Life Coach School. Katie founded kidThink to serve educators and students. kidThink helps schools create cultures of kindness, cooperation, self-confidence and success. Katie also provides one on one coaching for parents and their kids. Learn more at www.kidthink.info.
Ask a Better Question by Katie McClain
Have you ever asked yourself a question like this?
What did I do wrong to deserve this?
When you ask yourself this kind of question, you get a whole lot of negative answers. Humans ask themselves questions a lot.
Just stop. Listen. What are you asking yourself right now? Or, listen first thing in the morning. Hopefully, you ask yourself something like: “How can I make today a great day?” But you may be asking yourself a question that isn’t helpful, like the one above.
You are asking yourself questions every day.
When you ask yourself any question in your mind or out loud, your brain answers it whether you realize it or not. Negative questions, get you answers that are negative thoughts which create negative feelings.
Here are some examples of questions you might be asking yourself (or may have asked in the past).
Why can’t I lose weight?
What is my problem?
Why didn’t I do better with ______?
When will my life be better?
Why doesn’t my kid behave?
When will I get out of debt?
What questions are you asking yourself?
I encourage you to take some time to notice. Write down your questions. If they are anything like what I’ve listed above, change your questions.
How will know if the questions you’ve listed are not powerful? Consciously answer them and then check in with your body to see how you feel.
If the answers to your questions make you feel awful, then you are asking the wrong questions.
When you ask yourself a powerful, positive question like, “How can I make losing weight fun?”, your answer comes as a thought that feels good. We are mostly not aware of the answers, but when you intentionally ask great questions:
Your brain will get busy helping you create powerful answers.
These powerful answers that your brain creates, help you get a life full of amazing results.
Below are more of the negative question examples from above along with ideas for how to turn them into more powerful questions.
Negative Question: What is my problem?
New & Improved: What is great about me?
Negative Question: Why didn’t I do better with ______?
New & Improved: How can I improve in this area?
Negative Question: When will my life be better?
New & Improved: What is perfect about my life today?
Negative Question: Why doesn’t my kid behave?
New & Improved: How can I support my kid’s strengths?
Negative Question: When will I get out of debt?
New & Improved: What small action can I take today toward paying off my debt?
Start your day by asking yourself a better question and you will be amazed at the life you create and how easy it starts to feel. Here’s an new and improved question to replace the question this article began with:
Negative Question: What did I do wrong to deserve this?
New & Improved: What can I learn or how can I grow from this?